Monday, January 29, 2007

Being Bisexual

I don't tell many people that I am bi-sexual. Why? It confuses them. No, seriously, they get all discombobulated and don't know what to think. If I tell a straight woman that I'm bi she automatically worries that I've been checking her out and if they happen to have read any of my stories they really worry. And if I tell a guy I'm bi he starts fantasizing about me and him and some other chick.

I don't sit around and fantasize about my co-workers - they are my co-workers and I don't mess with that even though one of them is kinda hot. But she's totally straight and even if she wasn't I just wouldn't got there. I don't imagine my girl friends naked and I don't hit on other girls. I'm not dangerous - I swear. I've had one relationship that developed from a friendship. That's it. Yet I know that if I met someone that happened to turn me on and showed some interest and my fiance was OK with it, yes, I'd go there again. But my commitment is to my fiance so that means that I'm not in a position to get into a real relationship. Do I crave pussy? No, I don't. I enjoy being with a woman but I don't dream about it.

I also don't actively go out searching for a third partner in my relationship. My fiance and I have discussed it and we may go there at some point but it isn't a huge goal for us.

Being bi-sexual does not mean that I am a big horn dog looking to get action from men and women. Be bi-sexual does not mean that I need both men and women to be satisfied. Being bi-sexual does not mean what a lot of straight people think it means.

It simply means that there are some women I find attractive and there are some women I would consider being sexual with and there are some women I might meet that I would consider inviting into my bedroom with my fiance. It also means that I find my male partner very attractive and am very happy with him and will be happy having him as the only partner in my life if that is what we chose.

And that's why I don't tell many people in my real life that I am bi-sexual.


Mel said...

that's probably the most concise, well written piece of writing that I've read that sums up being bi. Well done!

Tom Paine said...

Bisexual is a descriptor of your overall life, not a comment about your current inclinations. C. slept with many women in the past, but is firmly focused on men now, though is flirting with a younger woman on-line. Does that make her bi?

Autumn Seave said...

I agree Tom - "bisexual" is really just a label we use to identify ourselves and it does generally mean that is is permanent, not a temporary status. You'd never hear a lesbian or a gay man say that they are a lesbian or gay at this point in their life but who knows 10 years from now! LOL

Is she bi because she has slept with women in the past and is flirting with someone now? Not necessarily. That's really up to her. Personally, I feel that because I am attracted to women in a sexual way, because I would enter into a sexual relationship with a woman, and because I don't consider that experimentation but part of who I, I am bisexual. I don't consider it to be a passing phase.

Labels are really only something we can identify with ourselves. Other people can have opinions about it but it is what we feel ourselves that identifies us.

I know that is a really loose answer but that's the best I can give you. Bisexuality is really all in the eye of the beholder I think.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope I'll see you again.

Anonymous said...

You have expressed exactly how I feel. Although I've been bi all my life...I've only had 2 female partners. Very few people know I'm bi. It doesn't define me, it's only a choice I have.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with this post. I too am bisexual and rarely share that with anyone. I appreciate my straight friends for the way they are and do not fantasize about them at all. I like women & I love men. I prefer a dick to a pussy anytime. You are a great writer this sums up exactly how I feel.

Autumn Seave said...

Thanks Anonymous and Sexy Butterfly! I'm beginning to believe that there are way more "closeted" bisexuals than many would believe. After all, we are considered a threat by straight people of both genders and many homosexual people doubt our authenticity thanks to the "undecided" label that is put upon us. Not all, but many. We're in a little world of our own.

Gillette said... to your blog and like it!

I, too, am bi but don't mention it much because it is such a non issue with me..just "who I am" that requires little discussion. It's so funny how we perceive one another and the conslusions we reach without knowing one another. Just because one might choose to have a lover of one or another gender, doesn't mean that sex is all we think about. Well..maybe we think about it alot, but that would be the case whether we were bi or not.

Thanks for this.

Cherrie said...

I just found my way over here from Mariee's, and certainly understand what you have to say. For me, being bi results in two complications: finding women who are receptive, and avoiding women (often exclusively lesbian women) who are hostile. But it allows me to enjoy the complete satisfaction of having sex with both men and willing women. And that is so worth the trouble.

Anonymous said...

The situation is even tougher for a guy. I'm very lucky in that I found a woman that can deal with the fact that I am attracted to certain men. Sometimes I have to explain to the few people I come out to that it doesn't mean I need a man and a woman, it means I need a man or a woman.

Anonymous said...

What you said kind of hit home for me. I relate to it a lot. I feel better now seeing someone else put how I feel into words!