Sunday, February 04, 2007

Thinking about Romance

Romance = flowers, candlelight, satin sheets, lingerie, bubble baths…

Is that definition solid? Carved in the mahogany of your matrimonial bed? If it is, it shouldn’t be. Definitions can hold us back and bind us (and not in a good way) and if we insist on holding onto them we are often disappointed.

Webster’s defines romance as “a medieval literary form…dealing with deeds of chivalry or with historical or mythological events…an imaginative story of idealized love…pure exaggeration, falsehood…to indulge in highly exaggerated stories.” Webster’s defines romantic as “…not based on fact, fanciful, or exaggerated.”

Think about this for a minute –if your man brought you flowers everyday after work and every night he drew you a bubble bath followed by a candle light reading of poetry he wrote just for you – would you still consider it romantic? Of course not. That’s why it is romantic. It’s based on preconceived notions of idealized love, not reality.

Men need to understand that romance is simply thinking of your partner in a more significant way. Think about what you can do for her that is meaningful to her. It might be flowers but it might be something as simple as taking over one of her hobs for the evening or giving her the time to go shopping with her friends. Step away from your everyday routines and do something extraordinary – even if only a little

We women, on the other hand, need to see the attempts our men make to be romantic. If you hold onto the idea of romance that we started out with – flowers, candlelight, etc. – you might find yourself perpetually wanting. Remember, romance is just an exaggerated expression of love. Take time to appreciate the ways he tries to indulge you. Don’t cling to preconceived “romantic” ideals. They may be hurtful to your relationship. Don’t give up on the flowers and bubble baths, but do realize that romance can be found every where if you are looking for it.

And if it really can’t be seen? If he really doesn’t attempt to exaggerate his love? Print this out and leave it in his briefcase! Hopefully he’ll take the hint.

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